By: Grace O’Brien (COM ’24)

BERKLEE ADJACENT CORNER OF BOSTON – The Bunion has received troubling reports of tomfoolery and shenanigans at Berklee parties, and we’re not just talking about the house show where bands named “bitch puppy” and “JugularGrrrrl” performed. A Bunion investigative reporter was sent to fact check the claims, and we can confirm: Berklee students do, in fact, perform “The Cup Song” at parties. 

The harrowing scene described was spurred on by the breaking of the strings on the lone guitar at the party. As the Berklee-ians mourned the loss of Jeremiah’s Gibson acoustic, an eager, drunk vocal performance major grabbed an empty solo cup and got to work. They banged the plastic cup against the dirty hardwood floor causing the remnants of Jose Cuervo to rain out the sides. The Berklee-ians crouched around the record player trying to turn up the latest Father John Misty album suddenly froze as they heard the first few lines of “The Cup Song ” warbled out. 

The aforementioned Jeremiah was the sole Berklee-lian our reporter managed to identify since he talked their ear off about how Radiohead’s “OK Computer” was one of the most subliminal works of art in recent history, surpassing even The Bible and Kama Sutra. 

Our Bunion field reporter, anonymous for their safety, could only look in shock and awe as the scene unfolded around them. As the lone vocal performance major continued the song that came directly from Anna Kendrick’s womb, one by one the other Berklee-ians joined in. It was a horrifying sight to behold; in comparison to Glee, it was a snuff porno. This act of bursting into song at a social function was something to be expected from cringe acapella groups, but supposedly cool Berklee-ians? Unheard of. 

Soon enough, the whole party had joined in on the song. However, they quickly forgot the rest of the lyrics and it devolved into mumbling of the lines: “When I’m gone…” One Berklee-ian ran out of the room like a bat out of hell, and our reporter thought he may have come to his senses, but it was not the case. He returned with his laptop and microphone in hand to record this musical moment on Garageband. He quickly got to work in “the lab” and soon the Berklee-ians rendition of “The Cup Song” was getting remixed and remastered. 

Our Bunion field reporter denied joining in on the fun but refused to take a lie detector test to prove it.

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