According to students, who were equally impressed and self-conscious about their outfits, BU Greek Art History professor William Havenworth is the trendiest person in class.

“As we look at Van Gogh’s classic work ‘Starry Night’, we are at once entranced by the mystery and beauty of the luminescent stars that hang above the night sky- though they aren’t nearly as captivating as the massive sparkles on my corduroy blazer.”, Professor Havenworth explained as he commenced class.

Students expressed their gratitude at being exposed to both timeless works of art and really-fucking-trendy clothes.

“It really enriches my academic career and education to have Professor Havenworth offer both his expertise on the most influential works of art in Western History, and his impeccable taste in fedoras, denim jackets and gauge earrings.”, noted student Camille McClain (CAS ‘17).

Other students weren’t quite as happy about the fashion savant with a PhD teaching their course.

“He gave me a D- on my last paper, and the only comments that he wrote were ‘top not matching with jeans- lack of effort’.  The paper was on Greek sculptures- they don’t even wear clothes!”, complained freshman Jake Windsor. (COM ‘18).

The conspicuously trendy professor in question, who was born before the Truman Doctrine, described to us his routine judgment of his students’ attire.

“If a student wears clothes that don’t simultaneously enrapture all of my senses, or cause me to question what we’re all really doing here, then he or she really doesn’t stand a chance in my course,” explained Havenworth as he pondered how the stain on his ripped jeans would look in a Monet impressionist piece.

“Some ask, ‘Who am I to judge?’ I’m William mother-fucking Havenworth- that’s who.” Havenworth exclaimed as he flipped his bleached hair and staggered out of the room with his rainbow-colored, diamond-tipped cane.

Students noted that the professor’s strikingly indie style compelled many students to become ‘part of the system’ out of fear of growing up to be like said professor.

At press time, Havenworth was loosening his scarf, to make sure it had just the right amount of volume.

Leave a Reply