Here at the Pinky Toe we are no strangers to unconventional pleasures. As resident sex guru, I decided it was a time to reutrn to our roots. The first jolt of bodily excitement I ever received was not from a Questrom boy in his Quad dorm room, but rather the restricting denim of my aeropostale jeans. 

As most females are aware of, sometimes jeans hit you in such a way that makes you immediately say “ooo… that thang is thangin”. Following my Cleopatra Bee Vibrator disaster. I needed a reset. With my younger self in mind, I set out to buy a pair of Levi’s 501s. In a rare stroke of luck, I found a pair of vintage Levi’s at the Goodwill on Comm Ave. However, some depop nepo-baby was holding them. With the integrity of my reputation as Pinky Toe sex guru at stake, I engaged in hand-to-hand combat with this Ella Emhoff wanna-be. I walked out of the goodwill with those Levi’s in hand without a speck of blood on them.

The next day after purchasing my borderline spanx Levi’s jeans, I set out to my 9:00am. Sitting in the back of my lecture in case I needed to make a quick departure, I sat down in my stiff jeans. Immediately that thang started to thang. I was in heaven. Soon I lost myself in pure bliss. Before I knew it, I was rocking back and forth like I was only a rocking horse made out of pure oak. Then suddenly, out of nowhere I heard the most fervent yet familiar moan echo throughout the lecture. Almost instantly, I felt thousands of eyes on my person.

Feeling embarrassed I immediately got up and left my lecture. As I sprinted towards the door I tripped and fell, splattering my Trenta sized Birthday cake frappuccino. Working through my tears I soon found myself sitting on my bench on Comm Ave. I was sobbing, in disbelief that had just happened to me. Like god reaching a hand down to me from the clouds, in my moment of misery my Levi’s jeans hit that magical spot once again. And before I knew it, my thang was thangin once again.

Throw out your vibrator and get yourself a pair of Levi’s 501s*!

*Levis personnel if you’re reading this PLEASE contact me

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