Photo by Maddy Schmidt (COM'21)
Emily Parker

Emily recently moved to Boston from Wisconsin to earn her M.S. in Television Writing and Producing here at BU. Her main focus is comedy, but she's also very dedicated to marrying rich one day. Please reach out if you know anything about raising hamsters; her fur-son Winston will not let her cuddle him, and it's really damaging her self-esteem.

Relationships get boring. The minute you leave the honeymoon phase, especially if you’re with a trustworthy guy who definitely won’t cheat on you or try to control what you wear, the whole relationship goes stale. What do you talk about at brunch now? How you’re more loved and cherished than any of your other friends? God, don’t even think about it, you boring loser.

Sometimes, you have to create your own drama. So here are some tips and tricks to spice up your relationship when things are just going too damn smoothly.

  1. Screenshot your texts with them and then send them the screenshot with the caption “wtf is wrong w them?”
  2. Ask them who they love more: you or their mom!
  3. Steal all of their sweatshirts and make them into a quilt! 
  4. Ask them who their celebrity crush is and cry when they actually answer!
  5. Wake them up in the morning by tasing them!
  6. Enlist them in the army!
  7. Have sex with their best friend!
  8. Out their dad’s witness protection program identity!
  9. Burn down their frat house and plant evidence at the scene that it was them!
  10. Bully their dog!

And if any of these go horribly too far, don’t fret. Breakup sex is way better brunch talk than boring ole make up sex anyways. And if it comes to that, just marry his widowed uncle, become his evil aunt, and ruin his entire life!

 

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