CGS – On Monday, CGS freshmen received a BU Emergency Alert informing them that the Summer in London Undergraduate Term (SLUT) would take place in London, Ontario, this summer, putting an end to speculation about whether CGS students would manage to reach a different continent. “This summer, the program formerly known as SLUT is rebranding as the London, Ontario Summer Experience Retreat (LOSER),” the alert read. “Rising sophomores will enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn from accredited local middle school teachers amidst the stunning subdivisions and historic strip malls of Canada’s 11th-largest metropolitan area.”
Dr. Donna Duncecap, director of the LOSER program, claimed that the surprising announcement was unrelated to a recent incident in which she “didn’t look too closely” at what she had pulled up on Tripadvisor, fell asleep and clicked the “buy bulk tickets” button with her forehead. The Bunion can confirm that her laptop keyboard is still covered in drool.
“Canada, England, same thing, eh, innit,” Duncecap mumbled, referring to her donut from Tim Hortons as an “authentic scone.”
“While that other London has something dumb called the London Eye, we’re working to confirm reports that there’s a carousel in London, Ontario, which would be ten times cooler, to be honest,” she continued. “And if students are hankering for the British experience of tooth decay and bangers and mash, they can watch the ‘London OnLine Zoom’ (LOLZ) programming from the summer of 2020 while they’re in Canada.”
The Bunion was unable to conduct a poll of CGS freshmen’s views on the unexpected change to their summer plans. None of them have read the notification yet because they’re currently figuring out how to unlock their phones.
Correction: A previous version of this article incorrectly referred to the College of General Stupidity as the “College of General Studies.” The Bunion would like to apologize for the unfounded implication that any actual “studying” is taking place at CGS.