Photoshopped by Kai Hellberg (COM '20)
CJ Zachara (COM '21)

CJ is a sophomore in COM studying Journalism. He is from Maplewood, New Jersey.

QUESTROM SCHOOL OF BUSINESS—Emma Mills (COM ‘20) was seen vomiting outside the front doors of Questrom last Friday night.

After a long night of drowning her sorrows at an MIT frat party, Mills was on her way home when she began to feel ill.

“My very caring Uber driver was lovely enough to kick me to the curb in an ideal barfing location,” said Mills. “He ditched me on the side of the road a mile from home, leaving me to blow chunks at the disgusting black hole that is QUESTROM.”

It could only have been destiny that Mills’ stomach decided to upheave itself as soon as the car neared the traffic light outside the School of Business.

There is a fear that this is the beginning of a new era in the tradition of hating the reeking snake pit that sits at 595 Commonwealth Ave. The fight just turned physical.

The age of spewing words and disgusted looks has morphed into the age of hurling bile and who knows what else.

“I am worried about what I will have to tread through to get to class,” said Brad Chadderson (QST ‘69420). “My Yeezys might get dirty if the gut soup becomes a common obstacle.”

There is no solid evidence suggesting Mills really did hold in her gastro geyser to erupt outside Questrom, however it is the only possible explanation. The timing was just too perfect.

There can not possibly be any doubt that Mills’ involuntary personal protein spill was a planned attack.

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