COLLEGE OF FINE ARTS—Yesterday afternoon after much panic among the student body, late-breaking reports confirmed that Aaron Middleton (CFA ‘16) has a strap for his ukulele and is not at all in danger of dropping it.

“Oh my God, he has a strap? That’s such a relief,” said Mary Ruthers (ENG ’15). “It would be a shame if he dropped it. Those things can cost up to $25.”

Middleton, a ukulele player by hobby, says that the strap is perfect for supporting the quarter-pound instrument with his body while playing and for giving him the freedom to stretch out his arms and puff out his chest, proudly displaying his musical wonder to the whole world around him.

“It’s great for showing people that I have a ukulele when I don’t feel like holding it anymore. I just want people to know that music is a big part of who I am,” added Middleton, who had been playing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” outside of CFA for three hours.

“It looks like it might rain soon,” said Jean Alfred (COM ’16). “I really hope that guy has a poncho to cover his ukulele.”

At press time, oh, yeah, looks like this guy has a fucking poncho.

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