ALLSTON—A report from Boston Medical Center has just been released that suggests that Allston is now officially too old to still be crawling.

“At first we just thought it was a phase,” said Massachusetts state official, Fern DaBorges, “Cambridge was a late talker and Southie still has a hard time with eye contact, but if Allston doesn’t start walking soon, we might only see it crawl for the rest of its time.”

“How will it get to grocery store?” DaBorges wondered.

There has been speculation among doctors at various hospitals around the Boston area over how students should respond to, and treat Allston in this critical part of the city’s growth.

“We don’t need to do anything” said Dr. Hunter Poland Ph.D, “Who doesn’t love crawling? It’s so cute and sure, some people say we baby Allston and Allston should maybe start paying rent, but how could we make a city as adorable as Allston have the responsibility of say Brookline.”

“It’s not fine,” reported Samantha Humbletree DDS, “It was cute, when Allston was underage, but now it’s 22 years old with a degree in Computer Science from BU and spends every night at TITS wondering where it’s going to go next. This has to stop.”

At press time, Allston was taking the phrase “all talk and no walk” too seriously.

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