Going to class can be nerve-wracking, and if you’re anything like most students, making friends can help take the edge off.
So here you are, 11 a.m. on a Tuesday Morning, ready for the first day of your Anthro 101 class. As expected, your professor is fashionably late, so you sit and fumble with Spotify on your laptop- hoping the person sitting behind you can’t see that you’re listening to a shuffle of Phoebe Bridgers and Mitski (you good?)when–boom! There she is. The friend of your dreams.
She’s wearing a small white top with baggy Levi’s that are the perfect amount of waist-cinching and mom-jean aesthetic. Her long, wavy hair makes you rethink the haircut appointment that you cancelled last week. The way her beanie looks so perfect on her head makes you reevaluate your entire life. She’s cool,but also incredibly pretty. She could be my friend, you think.
You’re straight, or, at least you think. You had a few short-lived, toxic relationships in high school with boys who only cared about GTA V and the occasional “soapy titty” pic, but you don’t like girls. You couldn’t… right? Like, no… right?
You take another look at her and reexamine your own style, while DEFINITELY checking her out, hoping she doesn’t look your way. Then you start to think that her looking your way wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At this point you wish that you capable of pulling together an outfit like that so seamlessly. Oh, to look that effortlessly good! You shudder and for a split second, wish you were her.
But you’re straight, right? Like you are, right?
You smile with your eyes at her, hoping she can see your inviting manner under your overworn surgical mask. You hope she sits next to you. When she does, you immediately get butterflies, from excitement of course. You introduce yourself and suggest that you both study for this class together sometime. You exchange numbers. A rush of adrenaline enters your system. You’ll be friends! Study buddies!
But just study buddies, since you’re straight, right?
Listen, we’ve all been there. Seeing a cool girl and thinking, I want to be her, when really, it’s I want to be with her. It’s the classic pipeline. Tale as old as time.Think about it. The over-admiration of every crevice of her being. The urge to get her number like it’s a prized possession. And come on. You asked her to study. On the first day of class. While listening to Phoebe Bridgers. How could you not see it? You’re fruity, sweetheart.
You won’t make this realization for quite some time. Hell, and she’s just as naïve as you are. She keeps rewatching Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and not for the art.
From deep down in our hearts at Pinky Toe, we hope that you two have a great “study” date. And that you retire Mitski from your playlist.