By Rod Butcher

I think we can all agree that, whatever your major is, college is typically a fun and educational experience that everyone can get behind. What with the spirited wear and outerwear, the semester system, and the fun late nights spent studying in libraries with to-be-longtime-friends, I think that we can all consent towards saying that post high school education is generally regarded positively among most people.

One particular element of college that makes people so invigorated is the fact that it gives women the right to choose. Choosing your major is one of the highest regarded pleasures that comes with being a college student in the twenty-first century.

But are most of us making the wrong choice? Recently I was watching Legally Blonde and I thought to myself, ‘How come I’m not in law school? It seems great’. Law school seems great.

Did you know that lawyers get recess? They do and that is pretty neat. The last time I had recess was when I was in fifth grade and I loved fifth grade. Also if you are a lawyer long enough you become a judge and get to wear robes all the time like Harry Potter, the other Jeff Lebowski, and swanky businessmen in their upscale New York penthouses, which is an added plus.

At this point, I’m sure you are thinking, ‘Rod, we can’t all be lawyers! If that happened, who on Earth would commit the crimes?’ I know that we all can’t live the dream that is law school, and it is for that reason that I have decided to make some helpful hints for how to make regular college more like law college.

1. Be more dramatic!

If a friend wants to get prawns with you but you would rather not eat seafood, instead of saying, ‘no,’ yell, ‘Objection!’. Not only will it make you appear as if you have an expansive vocabulary, it will also establish you as being a “no-nonsense” kind of person which is the right kind to be!

2. Hire a stenographer!

While having a stenographer is useful because it allows everything to be on the record, it is also great because having a stenographer around gives the illusion that you have one more friend hanging out so you look more popular! What a concept!

3. Collect Evidence!

What’s the coolest thing about lawyers? It’s that they are mysterious and always have something unexpected in their physical and metaphorical briefcase. As we learned from the popular and true OJ Simpson trial of the late 90’s, you never know when a small glove may come in handy so if you’re ever walking an see a lone glove you should take it, what do you have to lose?

By keeping these three things in mind, you can make your college experience more fun and enjoyable! Being a lawyer is actually a cool fun thing to be, right?

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