BOSTON UNIVERSITY—Sources report that Boston University’s Dean Elmore made an upgrade for the ages this weekend and from this point forward would like to be referred to as  “Dean Elmost.”

“Why wait until the new year to make resolutions,” said Elmost. “We only serve sparking water and champaign in this office, so if you don’t like bubbles then get out! Would you like some caviar? I used to just eat fish, but upgrading means that now I get to eat their eggs!”

Elmost, previously known around campus for his bowtie and low-top red converse, now fashions a tuxedo and high-top red converse as he is escorted into work by a Swedish model, Tanya.

“It’s already 2pm? Excuse me, my limousine awaits, I must go home to take a nap, just as the europeans do, am I right?” Elmost chuckled as he was carried out to Commonwealth Avenue on a wooden chariot like an Egyptian Queen.

At press time, Dean Elmost decided he would prefer to be referred to as the artist previously known as Elmore.

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