Photoshopped by Maddy Schmidt (COM '21).
Reid Phillips (COM '22)

Reid Phillips is a Film & TV major from New Jersey, and is therefore an unapologetic Chris Christie stan. When not busy writing fake articles, and acting like it's hard, she can be found blankly staring at her computer in the library with an unopened textbook.

Well, it happened. Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed to the Supreme Court. Gen Z has long wondered what dystopian novel America would delve into before they turned 25, and it looks like The Handmaid’s Tale is the winner! 

In this famous book turned TV series, women are forced by a theocratic government to give birth to the children of the men who own them. What was once a plot that seemed so far removed from reality is now likely to happen by Christmas, so we thought we’d help you prepare by sharing some tips on how to make your government issued uniforms cute and trendy! 

The first way to accessorize your signature red robe is with a chunky belt – think 1970’s chic but without all the pesky women’s liberation stuff. This accessory will give your garment some shape, and draw attention to the center of your body, right where your womb (the only thing you are good for) is. 

Next up, jewelry! Now normally we would say you should add some tassel earrings, but in Amy Coney Barret’s distinctly Christian hellscape, we wear Rosaries all day! Make yours unique by layering some necklaces – not only will you shine, but you’ll also be easier to hear if you try and run away!

Just because your rights are going to be taken away does not mean you need to sacrifice fashion! Your fundamental human rights are temporary, but girl power is forever.

Leave a Reply