By Maria Mavrogenes

Since the beginning of March 2022, there have been fewer students for Boston University’s Student Health Services to bamboozle and gaslight amid the lower COVID positivity numbers. SHS has tried to loosen mask policies on campus, but that has not led to an increase in positive cases. Following this disappointment, SHS has hired an outside PR team, courtesy of BU, to fix this crisis.

The most notable part of this PR team’s plan to keep the SHS office bustling; if you receive a positive COVID test result from March 27th to April 10th you will be automatically entered into a raffle for Coachella tickets. The full plan includes paying for more student promoters for clubs like Mariel, providing frats with more alcohol, and throwing (anonymously sponsored) Mar-Mon extravaganzas.  

The PR team’s Account Executive, Lauren Wigler, told us, “Our team really thought this idea through, for sure. We really like to go the extra mile for our clients. All of us have had COVID, so we just listed the places we think we may have got it to craft this strategy.” 

The winners will not be provided with living accommodations or travel stipends, which Wigler says “is just a little bit out of SHS’s budget.” Because if BU prepares you for anything, it’s definitely fending for yourself in the California desert.

Wigler said, “Fingers crossed this goes well, because then SHS will work with our team again on an initiative to get more students to come in for mental health services.” She gave us a hint at this plan which includes working with the financial aid office.  

This lotto is closing soon. So go out there, get COVID, and get tested!

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