Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
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Maya is a freshman from Seattle, WA studying Film and Television. Her go-to late night snack is baby carrots, but only the skinny ones.

I was just an ordinary girl taking an ordinary Covid test when my life changed forever. As I reached for the swab, the tester simultaneously held it out to me, causing our hands to brush for a nanosecond. I gasped, and immediately looked up. There he was, the man of my dreams. Well, at the moment, any living man is the man of my  dreams. From what I could see above his mask, he appeared to be extremely average. But when I gazed into those dirty brown eyes, I knew that I’d found him, my future husband. 

I know that sounds a little fast, but isn’t touching hands the new making out? Marriage is just as risky as our riské brush of the hands! It’s been awhile since I’ve made human contact with anyone, but the next step is marriage. Right?  

In that split second when our hands interlocked I envisioned our entire wedding night.  We’ll tie the knot in this testing facility, right at the station where we met, “D” for Doggystyle. I’ll walk down the aisle in a dress with a lace covered face shield and white latex gloves. He’ll be wearing an all black hazmat suit. And when the Covid Tester, donning a red Back2BU vest, says, “You may now kiss the bride,” we will look at each other and sanitize our hands! Newsflash people: romance is still alive and well! 

I was immediately brought back to reality when my tester man jerked his hand back and immediately started disinfecting the entire testing station. Nonetheless, I maintained full eye contact with him as I took my test, giving him a taste of our wedding night to come. Then he went and turned his back on me. It’s okay. I love it when they play hard to get. Keep your eyes peeled for invitations.I’m currently booking another test for tomorrow and will send them out as soon as I get his name.

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