CAS—In a pleasant change of pace, a debate in professor Gabe Mckellan’s Modern Political Theory class ended with only three broken bones dealt out to students.

“Wow, we got really lucky this time,” Mckellan said, pulling out a well-worn sling and two rolls of medical tape. “It’s not often that Kyle [Davis, CAS ‘15] misses when he throws his favorite chair during an objection.”

“And Kathy [Yang, CAS ‘15] didn’t even snap Christopher [DeMarcus, CAS ‘15]’s leg in two like she usually does,” Mckellan continued. “She must have been tired from watching too much of The Daily Show last night.”

According to medical bills obtained by Student Health Services, Modern Political Theory averages the third-most fatalities and emergency hospital trips among political science courses behind professor Truman Easton’s Public Policy Analysis class and discussion group E3 from Violet Davidson’s Ethics and the Use of Force lecture.

“We felt pretty good out there,” said Mark Lopez (CAS ‘15) as he administered ice packs and gauze to several bleeding classmates. “Of course, I let out the usual primal scream once Kyle said the words, ‘as a Republican’ but today I stopped myself before I could pull out my gun.”

“I think this is a good sign that we’re starting to understand each other,” Lopez continued, stopping to make sure Serena Madison (CAS ‘15) had sterilized her morphine needle before injection.

At press time, gunshots and war cries were overheard emanating from Julie Burrows’ Global Governance class in CAS 228.

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