Listen, guys- I’m a simple man. My favorite ice cream is vanilla bean, extra bean on a rough day. My favorite bird is the American tree sparrow because its feathers are my favorite shade of brown. My favorite music largely features the triangle, geometry’s angular yet mellow rock star.

I don’t ask for much, but I have a favor to ask: please stop making me fix Comm Ave when I have my own marriage to fix.

Geena and I, we were happy before I got pulled for the first Comm Ave project in 2015. We’d sit on our porch at sunset, and I would examine my grass collection with her head on my shoulder as she texted her best friend Paul. Sometimes I’d look over at her to admire the way the light hit her hair, and she’d exit out of her messages real fast and help me add to my grass collection. Her fingers are a little too chubby to be handling delicate blades of grass, but I loved her all the more for trying.

If I could go back in time, I would never take that job. I thought it was a one-time project on one street. How much work could one street need?

No one told me that 2015 would come and go, and that 2019 would find me tearing up the Comm Ave concrete that I had just put down three days earlier. No one told me that I would see Geena less, either. After a long day’s work, I would be excited to embrace my sweet wife in the doorway when I got home. Instead, I always came back to a note on the table that said, “Out with the girls tonight! Don’t call or text!”

One time, I came home right as she was getting ready to go out. Her phone was on the table, lit up with several messages from Paul that said, “Can’t wait to see you tonight babe. Same time, same place ;)” I smiled. I was glad she had such a good friend!

Recently I’ve started thinking I’m seeing her everywhere, even at work. One time, I swear I saw a woman on Comm Ave who looked just like Geena, wearing a dress that looked just like the one Geena wore when I proposed to her. It couldn’t have possibly been Geena though – she has her psychic appointment at that time. This woman was kissing a man outside of the entrance of Sunset Cantina. The man looked familiar, and I gasped once I got a better look – it was Paul! Good for him! I sighed contentedly. Watching new love always fills me with hope.

So, readers, I beg of you: for Geena’s sake, please don’t make me fix Comm Ave anymore. I have more important things to fix. My toxic relationship with Comm Ave can’t take over my marriage anymore.

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