ADMISSIONS OFFICE—Following the rebranding of BU’s Center for Student Services, the College of Communication has announced that its building will be renamed the Boner Lounge following an ‘extremely generous’ donation from noted COM alumnus Howard Stern (’76).

“To the students, alumni and faculty of COM, trust me when I say that this is the best move for all of us,” said Thomas Fielder, dean of COM, as he held a golden check that appeared to be playing Richard Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries.”

“We are extremely excited for all Boner Lounge undergrads, Boner Lounge graduate students, and Boner Lounge alumni,” Fielder continued. “This name change is only one sign of BU’s awkward rise through the sweatpants of higher education.”

“It’s such a beautiful day, too. I can’t wait to play ultimate frisbee on the Howard Stern Boner Lawn,” he added.

Some students are claiming that the university has become too obsessed with finances to care about what the donors name the buildings.

“It was weird when SHA changed its name to the School of Expedia.com At Boner Avenue, but after Morse Auditorium became the Buffalo Wild Wings, You Have To Be There Boner Stadium, things started getting really out of hand,“ said Gina Esberg (CAS ‘15).

Mr. Stern could not be reached for comment, but was reportedly seen treating Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore to ice cream via helicopter in Paris.

“At least we still have our integrity,” Elmore was reported saying, as he downed some mint chocolate chip in Stern’s vessel, The Boner Flyer. 

At press time, editors of The Bunion were changing their publication name to “Howard Stern Is The Greatest-nion” after an anonymous donation.

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