CLAFLIN HALL– Jessica Moon (Libra, Aries rising) has decided to skip her COM 101 lecture after her morning CoStar check. CoStar is an app many students on campus use as evidence their boyfriends are cheating. The app gives daily horoscope readings and life advice such as “achieve your dreams” and “get a dolphin tattoo.”
We asked Jessica about her relationship with CoStar and how it changed her decision to go to class “Well, I was just about to get out of bed when I decided to check my ‘day at a glance’, she said. “There, I saw my reading: ‘Take time for you.’ I really was going to go, but it just wasn’t in the stars.”
Her professor was more than happy to accompany her request. “I also have an account,” said her prof, “it told me to not be so easy on my students… she’s getting a D”
This is not the first time COM students have utilized astrology. Last week, Lily Pond (Scorpio, Cancer rising) drew flowers on her engineering test because Mercury was in renegade. After CoStar told junior Summer Star she was a Libra rising, she got bangs, quit pre-med and now works as a bean whisperer at Pavement.
President Brown even has a CoStar account with a secret username “starprincessrhett.” Brown never makes an important BU decision without consulting the astrological energy. “I was going to lower tuition” he said “but my moon was in Taurus.”