BAY STATE DINING HALL—After eating a salad instead of a waffle for lunch, freshman Stu V. Tieu (formerly COM ‘21) had his lightly scheduled life turned upside down Tuesday morning when he discovered that he had been transferred out of COM and into BU’s Sargent College, the school notorious for making extremely boring food choices and pressuring students into smoking (salmon, healthily).

On Monday, Tieu had entered the Bay State dining hall, rhetty to eat his usual lunch of a waffle with whipped cream, syrup, marshmallows, chocolate chips, and a banana (because health). However, he discovered that approximately 5,498 prospective BU ‘22 students had already entered the dining hall, and the waffle maker was not available. The only free food station was the salad bar, so Tieu decided to make his first BU salad. Twenty minutes later, after breaking two pairs of tongs and spilling croutons everywhere, he had his salad, consisting of lettuce, croutons, a tomato, and 100% of the salad bar’s cheese. The Sargent recruiters who run the salad bar took notice of Tieu, and in recognition of his healthy choices, immediately transferred him out of COM and into Sargent.

Bunion reporters reached out to Tieu, who reported that despite his initial misgivings, he is now happy with the change, having lost sixteen pounds, run a three-minute mile, and acquired telekinetic abilities since switching colleges. He then offered us some Sargent Choice granola, but we didn’t respond because the waffle maker had just opened up.

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