Reports indicate that student Karen Johnson (COM ’19) was handed a flyer with a picture of her exactly five seconds into the future!

All Karen wanted to do was go to the George Sherman Union and buy food with points. Unfortunately, the world had other plans.

Before Karen could get to the delectable point priced treats of the GSU, she had to pass through the leering jesters of “The Link.” “Each one of these so-called clubs set up their own tables,” said Karen, “and were handing out small flyers or free donuts like a bunch of intrusive assholes. It’s like, I don’t even know you.”

But that’s when things got weird. When student Patrick Lymen (CAS ’20) from BU Beatboxing Club forced Karen to take a flyer, it wasn’t an ad for their annual BU Central show, “Mouth Noises,” but rather a picture of Karen five seconds into the future!”

Patrick Lymen, who asked to be called “Spit Doctor” or “Pat,” told The Bunion he knew nothing about the flyer and claimed to have only a basic understanding of Quantum Mechanics.

Patrick, however, postulated that perhaps “The Link” is an anomaly of Time, perpetually oscillating between the present, past, and future. This would explain the strange occurrence of the flyer. It would also explain why club advertisers and passing students rarely seem to connect. Why some passersby completely ignore those flyers. It is because they are often living in different different times, altogether.”

Patrick then started beatboxing and we immediately left.

At press time, Roald Dahl and Susan B. Anthony were spotted playing chopsticks on the Link Piano, prompting many to wonder what other whacky time-based adventures will follow.

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