Students in Health and Wellness 101 are beginning to think Shane Matson only owns one outfit, blue overalls with a yellow shirt underneath. No underwear.
So far, 13 classmates have fainted and 3 have died after sitting next to the smelly overalls.
Students became suspicious when Matson spilled a Tazo iced tea on his overalls on Thursday and then the following Friday there was still a giant brown stain across the overalls.
When asked by The Bunion for an explanation, Matson simply responded, “that’s the tea.”
Matson was scheduled to interview in person with The Bunion this week, but after catching a whiff of him from across the street, every writer from The Bunion quit and joined BU News Service.
“I couldn’t stand it, this is what we’re expected to be interviewing? Fuck that shit,” said Lauren Kramer (CGS ‘20).
Reports have spread around campus that Matson has a giant shit stain on his behind, which lacks coverage. Bare bottomed and covered in sticky poo, Matson prances around campus like nobody’s goddamn business.
According to Title XVI, students are not required to change their clothes. “This is a free country. Americans can do as they please. Even if that means not changing clothes and walking around with shit spread across bare ass cheeks” Justice Barry Bloom tells The Bunion.