It’s a me! A mistake-io! 

Ever since Twitter collectively declared him as the “worst Chris” for supporting an anti-LGBTQ church, Chris Pratt has fallen onto hard times. With his broken ego and approximately $60 million dollar net worth (poor guy:( ), Pratt has decided it’s time to upset the next group of minorities… Italians?

You heard that right, folks. Chris Pratt is set to star in the upcoming Super Mario Bros movie as Mario himself. Now this news came as a shock to many. We all woke up one morning and saw that this comedic actor of Norwegian descent would be acting as the plumber we all know and love. The range of emotions were incredible. 

Chances are you feel betrayed by the movie industry. It is a guarantee that nobody feels more betrayed than Italians themselves. One Italian was quoted saying this was the “worst thing to happen since pineapple on pizza and overcooked pasta.” 

Pratt, who is used to playing the hero, just isn’t the hero we need. (Or the one that Anna Faris needed). 

Here at The Pinky Toe, we wanted to give our own top picks of people that should have been cast as Mario.

  1. Danny Devito – A great choice would be the man, the myth, the legend… Danny Devito. First of all, as someone of Italian descent, we are 87% sure (an official statistic) that the Italians would be flattered to be represented by him. Devito’s acting radiates perfection and realism that could make a grown man cry. We were truly robbed. 
  2. That one friend we all have that always talks in weird accents – You know ‘em. We all love ‘em. The comic relief of the friend group. We are pretty sure they would be up for the challenge considering their best accents range from an angry New Yorker who’s just walking here to Sherlock Holmes himself during their Superwholock phase. Have they ever even played Smash Bros? Probably not. But we are sure they’d do a great job anyway. 
  3. Shrek – someBODY ONCE TOLD ME that Shrek would be a great pick for Mario. He has an innate ability to save princesses from the bad guy (or at least to help them save themselves #Fionadontneednoman). Does he prefer onions over the ever popular Nintendo mushrooms? Sure. But we’ll give him a pass. 

If you or a loved one have been personally victimized by Chris Pratt playing Mario, please, reach out to your therapists and emotional support animals. God bless.

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