3 years ago…

December 15, 2018

Dear LinkedIn community, 

I have failed yet again. I only got ONE, paid, full-time internship this semester! I mean, yes, it’s at my dream company, and I’ll be flawlessly leading a team of 20 without a shred of experience, but still… I am the worst. I mean, by golly, I should be working 25 hours a day, with time to spare for my 45-minute skincare routine and weekly bikini waxes! 

And look, some of you may be thinking “Beth, you are an inspiration to us all, and I think about your success daily. Look at you, rocking the professional vibes, and killing it at absolutely everything you do. You are so much better than me.” 

But seriously, I’m just like everyone else. I only got ONE (albeit perfect) internship. ARGHHH!! It might be good for some people, but I just have really high expectations for myself. 

Sincerely, 

A Failure — But Let’s Keep At it, Guys! 

December 15, 2021

My dear followers (1st and 2nd-tier connections only), 

The failures keep coming. I apologize for repeatedly letting you down. 

After ricocheting off mountains of success, I have decided to start my own business. (I know what you’re thinking. 24? What took so long? My sister was only 13 when she started her business. Damn.)

I have breached the cover of 30 Under 30, started my own technology company, re-designed Buckingham Palace, got full-body laser hair removal to cut down on my self-care routine (which now consists of lathering my hairless body in homemade juice, concocted daily with over 79 different varieties of fruits and vegetables), and cured 32 diseases in my free time. You can also find me on SoundCloud, and my debut album “I’m Better Than You, But…” is up for a Grammy. 

But it’S nOt GoOd enOugH and anyone who says otherwise is an IDIOT. My resume looks like a November 13th Jack-O-Lantern carcass and I feel like the only thing I’ve truly learned how to do is schedule-send emails for 8am. 

But if you’re out there, looking for a sign to keep pushing, then this is it. At least, that’s what my midwife just told me. I am currently in the delivery room, multitasking while I give birth. 

Sincerely, 

Beth Erthanu 

Alas, we can’t do it all. Even LinkedInfluencers are just like us, failing exams, falling asleep in the dentist’s waiting room, and buying overpriced granola bars at the vending machine. 

Beth’s baby has since learned to walk at the astonishing age of 15-days-old, and her first words were reportedly “not good enough.” 

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