100 BAY STATE ROAD—In light of the impending summer and the overwhelming number of students who still don’t have internships, the Center for Career Development announced their annual “Just-in-Time Career Fair” scheduled for April 1st.
“It was an elaborate April Fools joke,” says senior Samantha Prost (CAS’15). “There were no employers! Get it? There were balloons though. Actually, the balloons they used to announce the prank were the exact same balloons used at the renaming ceremony of SMG to the Questrom School of Business. They were a little deflated.”
“We want our students to leave Boston University feeling hopeful and prepared for the world,” said President Brown as he confidently and over aggressively shook students’ hands. “But these students are the fuckers that had all fucking year to find a job and now they’re screwed. Its too late.”
“Happy April Fools, everyone!” exclaimed President Brown as he avoided eye contact and slowly sidestepped away from the podium.
Students who attended the event weren’t as pleased with the joke, “I wore my only suit for this,” Alex Baker (ENG’15) whispered under his breath. “This is my dad’s suit. I have to roll up the pant legs. But have you seen my tie? Look, it has a clip in the back so I don’t even have to tie it, pretty cool, huh? It really says ‘Hire Me’.”
“I don’t really want a job,” says senior Ben Manning (COM’15), “but I get lonely so I came here to feel included.”
At press time President Brown was yelling at students to stop popping the balloons and re-announcing the one-cookie-per-person rule.