BOSTON—This week, cats across Boston University’s campus have voiced their disapproval of the way that their species has become hyper-sexualized during the Halloween season.
“My owner went out last weekend wearing a black skirt, a black sports bra, and no tights,” explained Fluffy Meyers, who has chosen not to reveal his owner’s identity. “I didn’t have any problem with it. She’s free to dress like that if she wants to. But then, just as she was about to go out the door, she put on cat ears, and that’s where she crossed the line.”
Cats across the Boston area and throughout the country have become concerned in recent years with the fear that slutty cat costumes are marginalizing the reputation of their kind.
Why isn’t any other animal depicted this way?” said Meyers. “What about a whorish giraffe or a sexy hedgehog? These costumes depict cats as being extremely promiscuous. We’re much more than that. For example, I like milk.“
“Just like any other species, cats are sexual beings,” explained Mr. Snuggles, president of the Boston University Cat Alliance for Tasteful Sexuality (BUCATS). “However, I would like to remind everyone that cats are capable of making significant contributions to society,” he added, before grooming himself for three hours.
“It’s scientifically proven that cats don’t mate for pleasure,“ said Eric Mau (CAS ‘14), a member of the BU Pre-Veterinary Society. “In addition, it is not physically feasible for a cat to wear a tube top dress and heels.”
“If they can come up with a better costume for me, I’ll do it,” said Jamie Yang (COM ’16), while dressed as a particularly slutty cat. “This is just all I had in my closet, but I’m open to suggestions.”
At press time, a representative for BUCATS was distracted by a laser pointer and failed to comment.