211 BAYSTATE ROAD—Recently BU’s Catholic Center has taken the act of absolution online with the newly crafted ‘BU Confessionals’ Facebook page.

“The page is a platform for anonymous confessions of BU-related sin, ” explains Karen Wilson, (THE ’16) the Catholic Center’s official Status-Updater. “We wanted to reach the debauched yet internet-proficient student body, and satisfy the newly ordained Sacrament of Social Media.”

“The page revolves around convenience, we totally expedited the process.” continues Willson.  “We even made a quick and easy hashtag for ‘In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.’”

“Confession #439, ITNOTFS&HS — Is it a sin if I take the cups from the dining hall?” asks one post. “Apparently part of my meal plan covers stolen items, so it’s almost like if I don’t take them, they’re stealing from me, and I’m just trying to save them from sinning, you know?”

The page is monitored by a community of BU’s finest tech-savvy clergymen, who comment with suggestions of contrition.

“We’re the youngest hippest priests just trying to relate to the college demographic,” said Father Thorton, a clergyman who comments on posts on the BU confessional page. “And by that I mean we are as young as we can be after having to attend many years of theology school. So we’re still pretty old.”

At press time, Father Thorton was making great use of the praying hands emoji in his response to a confession on the page.

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