Photoshopped by Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)
Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a senior from New Jersey studying Film & TV. She is a Wii bowling prodigy and is blocked on twitter by Drake Bell (Campana).

BOSTON– Early this week, many women reported being disappointed by a man who is apparently a serial Boston catfisher. Patrick Monaghan, 23 was found on Tinder claiming to be 6ft, when actually he is a leprechaun who just barely hits 3’9”.

Reportedly, his Tinder bio stated that he was “only in town for Saint Patrick’s Day” and “looking to have a little fun.” Many women reported feeling disappointed, as his profile was one of the few that did not contain a quote from The Office.

“He was dressed in all green in all his photos, which should have been my first clue,” said BU senior Melanie Marx (COM ‘21). “I just thought he was your typical Boston guy who makes his Irish heritage his entire personality.”

Other clues from his Tinder profile included a picture of him proudly holding up a dead snake with the caption “#banished,” and an answer to the question ‘ideal first date spot’ that read “I can take you to the end of the rainbow ;).”

Said Melanie, “again, call me clueless, but when he said he’s always able to find the pot of gold, I thought it was a euphemism for my clit.”

Patrick the Leprechaun was finally caught when he met up with Melanie to go Citi biking down the esplanade. When they met up, Patrick opened his trench coat and jumped off the shoulders of friend and fellow leprechaun Bobby O’Boyle. Melanie stuck it out and went through with the date, despite the fact that she had to lift Patrick onto his bike, and he ultimately could not reach the pedals.

“Yet another reason to never trust a ginger,” said Melanie. 

When reached for comment, Patrick was nowhere to be found.

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