Photoshopped by Cassie Berta (COM '21)
Anna Kate Fahey (COM '22)

Anna Kate is a sophomore studying Film & Television. She has two names in order to fit in twice the personality.

CCD — Following low turnout at its fifth job fair in as many days, the career center has announced a new and improved invitation strategy. Starting in the Fall 2019 semester, students will no longer receive daily CCD newsletters; instead, career center representatives and associates (via handshake.com) will physically manifest in your dorm.

“We realized that students just don’t read the newsletters anymore, so we’re making house calls,” said a CCD representative. “They can ignore our emails, but they can’t ignore this.”

The representative reported that not only will career counselors appear out of thin air, they will appear inside your room.

“We’re foregoing all formalities, including knocking. It just doesn’t work! This will really get the student’s attention and make them realize that if they don’t go to this career fair, they will end up unemployed and homeless,” The representative said off the record.

“It’s a great idea,” said David Waterston III (QST ‘∞). “What better way to teach business etiquette? If a career center representative appears in your dorm, doesn’t matter what time it is, doesn’t matter if you’re eating ramen on the john, you should know to give them your resume and a firm handshake.”

The Bunion emailed ‘Handshake’ for a statement, but they were unavailable for comment.

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