YAWKEY CENTER FOR STUDENT SERVICES—In a striking blow to art students at Boston University, the Center for Career Services has announced an outright ban on appointments from students in the College of Fine Arts.

School officials released a statement reasoning that “these students have no job prospects or life direction anyway, so the new change should not affect them at all.”

Graphic design major Elena Hodges (CFA ‘21) didn’t even realize BU had a career center.

“How do people use that?” said Hodges. “Honestly, I’d appreciate some guidance. Art is a super hard area to get into and any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

Unfortunately, CFA students who were actually looking for a career have been fed the cold hard truth that they will never actually have a career.

“Like come on, do people in the Piano Performance program seriously think they’re going to be the next Vladimir Horowitz? Give me a fucking break,” said Jonathan Jefferies, the man behind denying CFA students. “We’re just streamlining the process so we can get to students with a future.”

“This is absolute bullshit,” said Claire Treyway (CFA ‘20). “We work just as hard as the other students here.”

“That can’t possibly be true,” retorted Luke Carroway (ENG ‘22), whilst playing a game of League of Legends at his desk. “Fine arts can barely be considered work. I barely have any free time at all.” Carroway’s roommate later confirmed that he had been playing since the previous morning.

At press time, groups of engineering students have taken turns periodically taunting Treyway while she applied for internships.

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