COMMONWEALTH AVE—As springtime weather begins to take hold in and around Boston University, questions still remain as to exactly how all these rabbits manage to survive each and every year.
“Really, it makes no sense,” said ecology professor Don Garamond. “The Comm Ave campus has terrible weather, extremely dangerous drivers, students with no general awareness of where they’re walking, and an almost complete lack of vegetation.”
Garamond went on to express his astonishment at “just how many of those things come out of the woodwork” each April, and how they appear to be thriving on a campus that would cripple any other sentient population if left alone without Canada Goose jackets or Ugg boots.
“My theory is that they all just hibernate in CGS during the winter, because that’s where they’d be least expected to be recognized for what they are,” said Emilia Sanders (COM ‘16). “I bet they’re the ones who caused the Myles power outages too, from nibbling on cables or something.”
Some authorities point to the university’s wolf population as a possible factor, but many are also confused as to why any rabbit would stay here.
“I swear, the fact that these animals are even here now makes me a bit nervous,” said BU Fish and Game officer Kyle McTavish. “Maybe they’re watching. Waiting. For what, who knows.”
At press time, a mass of rabbits was seen slowly building up alongside the Charles River Esplanade and advancing on the Boston Common as one collective, adorable unit.