MARSH PLAZA—On Saturday, hundreds of students in science-related majors participated in the Science March… or did they? According to witnesses, many students opted to stay home, letting their clones march for them.

“I really gotta get this lab report done!” said Gina Morris (SAR ’17) as she shuffled an exact look-alike out of her apartment holding a sign that read ‘Matter Matters.’ “I can’t be idling around all day, but I really do support the march. Gina.0 will get the job done just fine.”

As the mach wore on, it was clear that many other young scientists sent clones to march in their place. Some were more sophisticated than others. A particularly primitive clone held a sign that read ‘I love Greg. Greg is my dad. I am also Greg.’

In order to make sure attendance was high, Harvard Professor Neil Smith made quite a few copies of himself. “Look at them go! My sweet little Neils never fail me,” he stated. “I told them to spread out and act natural, but gosh do they love holding each other’s hands.”

At press time, many clones appeared to find love during the march, while others found… a higher purpose?

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