COM LAWN—Today, BU administration has announced its plans to cover its buildings with even more buildings.
“We’ve received a large sum of money on behalf of four big name donors,” said President Brown. “After brainstorming many different ways to possibly spend this money such as decreasing tuition, offering a larger selection of food at the dining hall, or updating some of our very antiquated technology, we decided to just say ‘fuck it’ and build more big buildings to show and finally prove to everyone just how important we are.”
Polls show that BU decided to build more buildings so that students would be able to better recognize the campus while they’re walking through it.
“Yeah, sometimes I’m like ‘am I walking through BU’s campus,” said student Erica Welder (ENG ’16). “I can’t tell if I’m here or not, but now I know that when I get to the area of Boston with no sidewalk and only buildings, I’ve definitely reached my alma mater.”
Administrative officials stated earlier that they wont stop building buildings until BU changes its name to Buildings University.
“We know we want more buildings, but we don’t know what to put inside them, so if anyone has any ideas, we’re open for suggestions,” continued President Brown. “Personally I think we should fill one of the buildings with puppies!”
At press time, every enrolled BU student has received a certificate of ownership for their very own building. These buildings, unfortunately, won’t be completely built for another four years.