By Ashley Vitarelli
THAT POINT IN THE SEMESTER — Following a long and difficult “normal” semester back on campus, students and faculty are more than ready for it to be over. With just days left until everyone leaves for winter break, only one question remains: will we make it?
If the Jenga Building’s construction status is any indication, the answer is no. Despite the university’s relentless promotion of the building’s “remarkable progress,” nothing about that uninhabitable shell of a skyscraper looks remarkable in the least. To use report card terminology, the building’s appearance is “failing to meet expectations.” Much like the overworked students, construction of the building has started to re-evaluate itself.
“Instead of studying for my calc final on Friday, I spent two hours counting absences and doing theoretical math to see how low I can score while still passing the class,” said Strug Glebus (CAS ‘25). “I think the Jenga Building is doing the same thing.”
Indeed, the two weeks between Thanksgiving and finals look way more like the last lap of a Mario Kart race than any sort of higher education schedule; just when you think things are going your way — BAM! Green Shell, Red Shell, Blue Shell. Suddenly you’re in last place and have half a lap left on Rainbow Road to make up all the work you have been procrastinating since September.
“The only person I know who’s a worse procrastinator than me is the Jenga Building,” said Al Wayslate (CAS ‘∞). “And that’s saying something, because the Jenga Building doesn’t even have a conscience… right?”
Many students have speculated that the Jenga Building may in fact be some form of artificial intelligence, and capable of thinking on its own. “Okay, so it might not be A.I., but it’s definitely more than a building,” explained Con Spiracy (COM ‘22). “It’s gotta be some sort of money laundering front, I mean just look at it.” Other speculations on the real identity of the Jenga Building include that it is the secret lair of a cartoon villain, where NASA filmed the fake moon landing, or most likely, a portal to hell.
At this point in the semester, it’s really sink or swim. However, a lot of students — and buildings — choose the third, lesser-known option: sleep. “I’ve gone to bed at 3:30 in the morning every single day since September,” explained Teamnos Leep (ENG ‘24). “So I’ve decided to take this time to correct my sleep schedule. Maybe that’s what the Jenga Building is doing too?”
Always keenly aware of the needs and well-being of students, BU has announced that the Jenga Building will be available for students to use as a way to de-stress during finals. During open play hours, students will be able to man the cranes and play mega Jenga using pieces of concrete and the cranes in an effort to alleviate stress. In addition, a life-size version of Mouse Trap will be available in Allston, with a larger-than-life Monopoly game available in Questrom.
At press time, President Brown was spotted playing Jenga with a crane. Finals… they’re stressful for everyone.