BOSTON – March 17th marks St. Patrick’s Day, a beloved holiday in Boston, and happens to fall within Women’s History Month, so BU has flown in a LepreGirlBoss straight outta Ireland to spread some Irish cheer on campus.
The LepreGirlBoss, Lucy McGatekeep, usually runs a female-owned potato farm that mistreats and underpays its immigrant labourers in the offseason, but when March rolls around, she is all mischief. After touching down at Logan International Airport, Lucy saw a rainbow forming over the Citgo sign and promptly placed a Pot O’Avocado Toast at the end of it.
This is not Lucy’s first time in the states: she had an internship where she spread glitter around a second grade classroom and worked the phones in Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s office.
“Oh, that was around the time I had a one night stand with that wee Niall Horan fella when he was still putting bleach in his hair and playing guitar while Harry Styles outperformed the rest of the lads. I tell ya, it was never the same after Zayn left,” said Lucy between sips of a Guinness hard seltzer.
Her hijinks in the past have had feminists hollering, “Yasss Queen of Celts!” like when she smashed the patriarchy by executing the Lucky Charms mascot for his role in Big Marshmallow Horseshoes business.
Some of the upcoming mischief that this LepreGirlBoss is leaning into is investing in Elizabeth Holmes’ Theranos, and she is planning to tattoo a tramp stamp four leaf clover on President Brown while he is sleeping.
Move over Saorise, there’s another Irish Little Woman in town!