Photoshopped by Bridget Wixted (BU '22)

Jacob is a Freshman from Easton, Massachusetts. He currently has no major and no life, a true disappointment overall.

808 COMMONWEALTH AVE– Although Boston University’s intense COVID-19 testing and regulations has made it the model for colleges across the country to strive toward, an unintended consequence has arisen. Some students on campus have become addicted to the liquid inside of the coronavirus test tubes that can only be found at on-campus testing facilities.

The story begins with Perry Nash (QST ’21), who was the first one to experiment with the substance. Nash claims he was able to create a distraction by simply stating “I think there’s a spill at counter 7,” causing the entire staff to be thrown into chaos and sprint over to the scene.

Nash stated that gave him the time he needed to pour the liquid into the shot glass placed on the table and slam it down, all before slyly escaping without sanitizing his hands.

“I saw a shot glass. I saw a drink. I did what anyone else would,” said Nash after being asked why he consumed the unknown liquid. 

After speaking with a worker at one of the BU testing facilities, it was revealed that the substance contains approximately 70% alcohol and may lead to seizures if ingested.

However, it has become the new trend amongst the fraternities and sororities that populate West Campus, as students have found a seemingly endless supply of free alcohol. 

“I used to dread getting my COVID tests,” said student Aliya Francis (QST ’22). “Now, though, I schedule them as many times a week as I can. I really don’t want the pandemic to end; it’s just so much more convenient for me.”

Some students, such as Nash, have resorted to creating fake Patient Connect accounts in order to be granted access to the testing facilities multiple times a day.

The accounts are part of a larger operation, which Nash has dubbed “Coronacation,” to supply Boston University students with the substance while simultaneously earning an enormous profit.

One Boston College student, John Broning, was desperately searching for a nearby testing facility after BC refused to test him even after showing extreme symptoms. After coming across “Coronacation” on Facebook Marketplace, Broning sent a pleading email, asking Nash to consider stealing COVID-19 testing kits to supply to BC students in need.

Nash has yet to respond.

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