SATURDAY, SILBER WAY—President Brown was proud to announce the opening of the BU’s new Kilachand Center for Anonymous Donations.

The Kilachand Center will be dedicated to wealthy alumni and donors who would prefer to remain anonymous. At the ribbon-cutting ceremony, President Brown expressed his excitement and gratitude for the new building.

“You guys know what I always say: being a good person is what you do when no one is looking. That’s why I’ve never looked directly at anyone, so they HAVE to be good! Maybe I don’t understand this…” (Brown)

The ribbon-cutting was packed with illustrious alumni such as @#*^! S*9th, %%%%%%, and Mart*n Lu#her K*ng J^r. These high profile individuals have asked The Bunion to redact their names for privacy and philanthropy reasons.

Students had mixed reactions to this new facility being opened. One sophomore in the crowd said, “There’s no door. Like, I get that it’s for anonymous donation, so a front door would be pointless, but how do you get into this building?!” (Stacy Khan, CAS ’20)

At press time, a man who looked eerily like Rajen Kilachand was seen crying tears of joy behind Groucho glasses.

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