Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
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Jacob is a Freshman from Easton, Massachusetts. He currently has no major and no life, a true disappointment overall.

COLLEGE OF GENERAL STUDIES– The classic icebreaker, “two truths and a lie” forced upon students from BU faculty as an “entertaining get-to-know-you game” became a bit too entertaining for one class after student Thomas Zerkat (CAS ’23) exposed his haunting past.

Zerkat eagerly raised his hand, volunteering to share first. 

“Well, uh, I’ve got a knife in my bag,” said Zerkat, immediately silencing the bewildered classroom. “Secondly, I’ve killed a man…and the last one is that, uhhhh, I’ve got two dogs.”

Out of the students brave enough to vote for which they thought was the lie, the majority chose option 2. However, Zerkat went on to disclose that the lie was in fact the third statement, and that he only has one dog, named Cookie, who he adores and treasures deeply.

Zerkat proceeded to unzip his bag to demonstrate that what he had said previously was true.

“This is one of my favorites out of the whole bunch,” said Zerkat as he pulled out an enormous knife from his backpack. “I typically bring it on Tuesdays and Fridays.”

As the faces in the classroom gradually turned to a ghostly pale shade, economics teacher Pauline Hertil attempted to escape the subject. 

“Alright Thomas,” Hertil said, clapping her hands. “Thank you for sharing! Who wants to go next?”

After Hertil ultimately reported the incident to BU Student Health Services, the university eventually expelled Zerkat, claiming he was a threat to student life.

However, Zerkat has since landed on his feet and was recently accepted to BC on a full scholarship.

“I feel right at home, right at home,” said Zerkat. “Everyone here has the exact same interests as I do; I’ll surely be an eagle for life.”

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