In a move that expert calendar-keeper and Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh would call “Yale-level smart,” Boston University led the charge against campus sexual assault this week by adding the event “DO NOT RAPE ANYBODY” to every student’s daily Google Calendar.

The university’s administration partnered with the Sexual Assault Response & Prevention organization, commonly known as SARP, to introduce this calendar campaign in an attempt to decrease sexual assault on BU campus.

“We’re very proud of the calendar idea,” says SARP member Louise Johnson (CGS ’20). “I can’t believe we didn’t think of it earlier.” According to Johnson, SARP had been working with BU administration for months on a comprehensive assault prevention and awareness course that entering freshmen would be required to take.

“But then we heard about Kavanaugh’s calendar thing and realized if students just got a daily reminder not to rape anybody, they probably wouldn’t. It’ll reach way more people than a course and cost us a lot less money, too.”

The Bunion took to the streets on Friday to see the new calendar’s message in action.

“Thank God for this calendar,” says sophomore Brett Clark (ENG ’21). “I woke up this morning without any plans for tonight, then BAM! My calendar says I shouldn’t rape anybody today. Who knows what I would’ve done without that reminder!”

“It’s a good thing this came out when it did,” says Film and Television major Brett Thompson (COM ’19). “This is calendarial proof that I haven’t been doing any raping recently. Now I can get those charges against me dropped!”

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