NICKERSON FIELD—The hundreds of students who stayed on campus over spring break may not have had the chance to participate in a wet t-shirt contest or pass out face-first onto a tiki grill, but they definitely went wild.

How? While all dining halls were closed for the week, BU opened Nickerson Field for public grazing, allowing these students to get in touch with their animal side.

Some students, like Dolly Benson (CAS ‘21), thoroughly enjoyed this experience, saying that it should be carried into the rest of the school year.

“There’s something so raw about bending over on all fours, putting your teeth to the turf, and ripping it out of the ground with your own primal strength,” said Benson. “You look at the empty patch of soil under you and think, ‘I did that. I’m the reason that’s there. If I can do that, I can do anything, MOM!’”

One student was unaware BU even had dining halls in the first place.

“Wait,” said Paul Shreefer (ENG ‘19), “You’re telling me I didn’t have to do this for FOUR YEARS?”

When asked how he didn’t notice the big rooms filled with plates of food, people eating food, and people making food, Shreefer responded, “I thought I was hallucinating. You eat a lot of mushrooms when you’ve been grazing as long as I have.”

President Brown was proud to elaborate on his reasoning for closing the dining halls.

“It works out,” said President Brown. “We have students who are too broke to go literally anywhere else for break, and we have a field that is very expensive to maintain. Put the two together, and the idea pays for itself.”

When asked why tuition increased despite the reduced expenses for Nickerson’s upkeep, Brown nervously brought his hands to his pockets, which appeared to be bulging with hundreds of fidget spinners. “Necessary expenses,” he declared.

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