COMM AVE — As winter approaches, sightings of the BU bus have begun to decline. Experts now fear that their extinction is imminent.
The bus plays an essential role in the university food chain. In fall and winter, students hunt the bus in large aggressive groups, working together to overwhelm it and use its hard shell as a defense against the cold. This ritual, known as The Catching of the Bus, is necessary for student survival. Extinction of the buses would pose a threat to the university’s delicate ecosystem.
A Boston University research team has begun examining possible explanations for the dwindling number of buses.
“It is true that Busicus Bostonius typically becomes more elusive around this time of year,” said Dr. Rebecca Sitwell, leading researcher on the project. “They must hide from the increasing threat of their natural predator, the student. But still, the numbers we’re receiving are historically low. Our research indicates that the migration patterns of the bus are steadily changing.”
Sitwell and her team describe the new migration pattern as “Always in the ‘Effing Medical Campus.”
Sitwell proposed that the endangerment of the buses may also stem from competition with other species in the area, such as Trainicus Bostonius.
One new species, with its distinctive neon-green plumage, is much smaller and stealthier than the bus, and has begun to claim its territory. Sitwell and her team have dubbed this invasive species the Scooterus Limeicus.
But in regards to the bus, the research team has not given up hope. “So as not to frighten them off, approach the buses with caution,” Sitwell recommends. “Please. My office is in East and I have to teach a lecture in CGS. I don’t want to pay for the T three times a week.”
At press time, Sitwell was seen hiding in a bush with a pack of CFA kids, waiting to ambush an approaching bus.