Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)

575 Commonwealth Avenue–Boston University has recently finished construction on what officials describe as their “proudest moment yet,” an electric fence around Hojo. This addition to Boston University’s beautiful campus comes after a whopping seven escape attempts from the quarantine housing within the past month.

Meera Johnson (CAS 22’), was one of those seven students, as on her first night she had an extreme case of FOMO. Fortunately, Res Life stopped her moments before she planned to jump onto a beanbag four stories down.

“I was so close,” Johnson said, moments after being stopped. “And I’d do it again. BOP BOP BOP”

The next day, an electric fence appeared outside of her window. After several days of being up, it has seemed to cease Johnson’s hope of escaping. 

However, this can not be said for all students. Matthew Laton (CAS ’23), was hospitalized yesterday with severe burns, clearly a result of complications with the fence.

Boston University sees no issues with the fence, and has dismissed the burns as “a new symptom of COVID.”

In fact, the university has been so impressed with the recent change that they have decided to go all in, taking quick steps to make BU seem more like a prison than ever. 

“We try to teach our students the importance of the school-to-prison pipeline,” said President Brown. “I believe that if we give our students some hands-on experience, it would be beneficial to everyone.”

Major construction projects can be expected to pop up all around campus during the remainder of the semester and into 2021. Warren Towers will remain the same.

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