Liam Grogan (COM '23)

Liam Grogan is a Freshman in COM studying Film/TV, but if his parents ask he's studying business in Questrom...

In response to students voicing safety concerns, BUPD announced last Wednesday that they will no longer be running 30-second unskippable advertisements before someone tries to make an emergency call using a BU Blue Light phone. 

Some have raised concerns that this could result in a loss of income for the school. However, other fundraising measures have already been proposed, such as making campus bathroom locks run on convenience points, creating a streaming service that displays every security camera at BU, or charging for a “premium” dining plan that would include food with less human feces in it.

BU has also warned that the loss of income may mean cutting some services for students. “You have to understand, those ads generated nearly $600 worth of income every year,” said a BU spokesperson. “So, in response to losing that, we will have to cut all funding for clubs, abolish SHS, tear down the GSU, sell Stuvi to BC, and raise tuition by 30 percent.”

“Frankly, I don’t really understand what all of the hullabaloo is about,” said one officer. “But if it’s between this and actually having to do our jobs for once, I think it’s a no-brainer.” When asked if he was worried about the proposed budget cuts affecting the department, the officer responded, “we are the only thing holding this campus together anymore! If they cut even one cent of our budget, it becomes chaos! Chaos, I tell you!” 

A Bunion poll found that getting rid of the unskippable ads had a 0% approval rate among dudes who like to jerk off in hallways.

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