WARREN TOWERS – In partnership with the Fitness and Recreation Center, the Boston University Dean of Students recently announced a new “Get Movin’” exercise initiative for the freshmen of East Campus, which involves shutting down the steep Warren Towers escalators under the pretense that they are broken.

Bunion reporters caught up to FitRec director Kobe Leglifts as he was on a run and asked about the reasoning behind this new initiative.

“We’ve found that students living on East Campus get way less exercise than West Campus students in general. They don’t want to walk 15 minutes to FitRec. Their classes are 3 feet away from their dorm. They take the elevator to the 5th floor. And they’re just not athletes like the kids living in West.”

In addition to shutting down the escalators, the initiative also includes sounding the Warren Towers fire alarms at least once a day and evacuating all students from the building.

“The constant threat of burning alive will scare these kids into shape,” said Mr. Leglifts.

At press time, Bunion reporters spotted Leglifts smiling as he smoked a cigarette and poured a jug of gasoline onto the Mongolian Grill in Warren Dining Hall.

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