Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
Joshua Cram

Josh is a freshman from Malden, MA. He is currently studying International Relations in the Pardee School.

BU Alert released the following emergency notification yesterday:

“A student was stabbed to death with a lightsaber in South Campus at 9:30pm. BUPD is searching for the suspect, a Sith Lord last seen wearing a black cloak and wielding a red lightsaber. Community is advised to use caution and report anything suspicious.”

However, the alert’s intention was actually to promote the upcoming Star Wars film, Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker.

“BU really should have told us this was a just a promotion,” said Chu Bahca, a South Campus resident who sheltered in place for 15 hours, praying a Sith Lord did not bust through his door. 

This alert marks the beginning of a new partnership between BU and the Star Wars franchise. Soon, armed stormtroopers will march up and down Comm. Ave enacting stop and frisk on students. 

While this is meant to garner excitement, students are warned that the stormtroopers can and will confiscate Juuls. 

Joining in on the Star Wars promotion, SHS will now be giving out Yoda stickers reading “May the force be with you” as a form of treatment.

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