CAS— President Brown was happy to announce this morning that he would be renewing the HBO subscription for the 6 TVs found on the east side of CAS.

“These televisions have been capable of providing the high quality entertainment of the Home Box Office network to students for over 25 years, and this month will be no exception,” he said. “In response to an overwhelming increase in the use of these televisions, we have even decided to subscribe to Cinemax as well.”

The overwhelming increase in use has been attributed to Clyde Davidson (CAS ‘18), who reportedly has 3 of 4 classes in the CAS building.

“It makes a huge difference in my day. I go in and out of that building so many times it’s absolutely maddening,” he confessed. “Fortunately nothing keeps me going quite like the half second I spend glancing at the TVs as I pass them.”

When asked if he would enjoy them more if the TVs were turned on, Davidson gave a glassy eyed shrug before walking off to class.

Understanding the potential for student outrage, President Brown was prepared to justify his actions.

“Students may disagree with the wisdom of this decision, but I will stand by it,” he explained. “There have been accusations of financial waste in Boston University’s services, but I can assure everyone that although Starz is cheaper, it does not match the standard of quality our school maintains.

“HBO offers an intelligent and enjoyable selection of shows, and we are even considering purchasing a subscription for the TVs on the west side of the building as well,” he added.

True Detective airs on HBO Saturdays at 11pm, shortly after CAS is locked up for the night.

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