By: Maria Mavrogenes

BOSTON, MA — The MBTA continues its radical improvements for a better and faster B line. One of the most recent projects, adding the Amory and Babcock stops, has been a huge success. Previously, it was a lengthy 22 minutes from Allston to Kenmore; now, it is a swift 20-minute jaunt. 

While they have been combining stops for efficiency’s sake, today, the Director of MBTA, Phil Landers, announced during a press conference that they were backtracking on this plan, instead adding another stop to the B line. 

“It has come to our attention that the B line has become TOO efficient, and we want everyone to have the traditional Boston transit experience of going full speed for a quarter of a mile and then coming to a screeching halt for every stop. Due to popular demand, we will be adding a new B line stop at YO MAMA’s HOUSE,” said Landers.  “Here at the MBTA, we ah open to innovative ideas and making riding the T more accessible. There will be a new solah paneled pahking laht for ya to pahk ya cah at Yo Mama’s House.”

The Yo Mama’s House stop will be located past the Boston College stop. Landers added that the stop is projected to be completed in 2024, but Boston residents should *really* expect to see the stop in 2032. This will be just in time for the free fare rollout to be finished, so everyone can pull up to Yo Mama’s House for free (talk about accessibility!). 

Many people are pleased with this addition. Gerry Attrick, 68, resident of Brookline, said, “This is wicked great. I’ll be able to get from my house to the Packie and then Yo Mama’s in no time.”

As the press conference was coming to a close, Landers said, “And, in closing, Yo Mama so fat, she is a speed bump for the T.” 
It has come to the attention of The Bunion, that, coincidentally, the Yo Mama’s House stop is located in front of Mr. Landers’ ex-wife’s home. Landers would not comment on whether or not this was retaliation as Mrs. Landers reportedly “took him to the cleaners” in their divorce settlement.

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