Lauren Kelmar (COM '21)

Lauren is a junior from Palo Alto, CA studying Film and Television. She thinks flaming hot cheetos and Nutella go well together.

CLAFLIN—It all started with a sip of alcohol. Then another. Then another. Long story short, the night ended with you barfing in the Claflin Hall floor 5 communal bathtub.

This afternoon when you re-entered the bathroom, you heard a splish, splash, splish splash coming from the tub.

Unfortunate for Abigail Morris (SAR ‘20), she was the one splashing around in the tub coated in the vomit you never cleaned up.

She must have seen the chunky blue raspberry colored puke before she slid on in, so really this is on her.

Should you do something? It’s all fun and games to her, but in reality she’s absorbing so much of the alcohol you heaved up, and probably getting drunk because of it.

You went into the tub stall to find Morris relaxing in the blue tinted water with at least 1,000 rubber duckies floating along enjoying the barf chunks.

“Excuse me, what are you doing??” Morris asked.

“Um, I felt compelled to tell you that I barfed here last night and never cleaned it up.”

“Oh, trust me. I know,” Morris said. “Why do you think I chose to take a bath here? I love the aroma that barf and alcohol create.”

At press time, The Bunion learned that Morris was paying people to barf in dorm bathtubs for her to bathe in.

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