“hey! so sorry, i just saw this, i’m such a bad texter! i would love to grab lunch sometime though 🙂 “ 

You know this text. You’ve sent it so many times that it practically autofills into your phone after you’ve “accidentally” left another man who looks like the human embodiment of a green bean on delivered for five days.

You rationalize it to yourself. “I was so busy,” you think as you mull over your day in your head. 

As you realize that you’ve spent the past week organizing Taylor Swift songs into spreadsheets and organizing your crystal collection, you ask yourself the question: was my schedule actually jam packed, or am I just gay? 

It’s the latter, babes. 

Do you wanna know how I know? Because when the girl who wears a flannel and Phoebe Bridgers merch to your COM 101 class everyday texted you asking to “get coffee”, you were able to take a break from your last minute GSU cram session in order to respond to her at the speed of light. 

Do you wanna know how else I know? When the green bean man texts you asking how your day was, it’s like – why is he obsessed with you? You’ll answer him by the end of the day if he’s lucky. But when Miss Phoebe Bridgers asks you for the answers to the quiz you are delighted at the fact that she spent a morsel of her equally busy day thinking about you. Answers to her immediately. 

You gotta be nice though. Plus, the notification bubble on your messages has been bothering you all day, when you were very busy and definitely not staring at your screen waiting for a girl to text you back. 

“my day was just ok! i actually can’t do tuesday, but i’ll let you know when i’m free <3”  

Good luck to you on your journey to self discovery, and also to this man. I say it takes him 5-6 months to figure out what’s going on here. 

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