It’s finally starting to feel like Spring, and I like many other students have been feeling burned out and exhausted. 

I am an ambitious young woman with professional and personal goals: graduate with honors, secure a summer internship, recruit at least three new members to The Commune, and finally get in shape. Without a real break, it’s hard to keep up with all I have to do. My days are packed with homework, laundry, prepping the fields for harvest, and making sure my modesty garment covers my ankles. If we had Spring Break this year, I would feel recharged and ready for the rest of the semester. Getting up before sunrise for the pre-dawn worship service in the Founder’s yurt really takes a toll. 

Student athletes claim they feel like they are stretched too thin, but try being a double major and the Founder’s second favorite wife (I’m coming for you, Cindy). I study my ass off so I can get into grad school. BU doesn’t understand that some of us are working to put ourselves through college. I don’t get paid in real US currency, but the Founder promised that all I’m doing will result in spiritual healing, which is more important than affording my tuition. 

Furthermore, if we had Spring Break this year, I would have had the opportunity to share the Founder’s message with potential new recruits on the beach or on the ski slopes. Drunk college students are much more receptive to the Founder’s truth than Bostonians getting off the T on their way to work. Instead, I am stuck standing on the same street corner downtown, sweating in my bonnet and wool skirts, uselessly preaching the same mantra about communal living, how to earn extra virgins in the afterlife, and how Western medicine is from the devil.

Anyways, I’m in need of a break from school. President Brown, if you’re reading this, please consider giving us more days off. The Founder says if you do, he will present you with three virgins as a thank you.

Leave a Reply