Dear Fingerless gloves,
Where do you get off? Huh? Don’t you know that my palms are always sweaty but fingers are always freezing? Where’s the common sense? Where’s the accountability? I’m sick and tired of it!
As the colder months roll around, we’ll no doubt be seeing you everywhere. In trendy shops made of artisanal alpaca wool, in winter gear shops for serious hikers, and on male gamers to help with perceived “tendonitis” (you don’t have a physical ailment, Brandon, just stop playing video games for Christ sake.)
But why? Where is the fashion? Where is the FUNCTION? I’m sick of the lies! The hypocrisy! Your fingers look like witch fingers withered from the cold. You also look like a guy who takes biking way too seriously. It’s not a good look!
Sheeple! Wake up! No more fingerless gloves! We can do better! In fact, we MUST do better.
I demand full coverage gloves for everyone! It is our RIGHT.
Thank you for your time.